Hold Up – I Create Businesses Because I Want to Win (Too)

I know why I’m doing what I’m doing, however, I know that I recite a rehearsed speech that gives only part of the true reasons. Of course, that should almost be expected given the reasons are many and diverse, and frankly, sharing it all within a few minutes would be a hard endeavor. I suppose that’s why I should start working on my elevator pitch again… my personal elevator pitch.

As of now, I recant aspects of how I’m amazed by my dad and my former boss for giving jobs. I recall seeing families at soccer games and Disney World. All impressive, and all things I want to do through building a company and creating jobs, too.

I also share stories of others uprooting their lives on missions to Africa to build homes for so many months. How great is that? I’m not one to do it myself, but I want to empower those who want to do that through a company by incorporating strong humanitarian mission and value into a company’s culture. Super.

Finally, I also share how I want to be a builder and an author to Atlanta’s story. I want those who think of Atlanta, think of the large corporations like UPS, Delta, Coke, etc., and of course, you have the startup scene. I want people to think of my name and/ or companies’ names as synonymous to Atlanta. Yada, yada, yada…

But I also incorporate a sliver of myself being a bit controlling or being competitive somewhere in my current pitch. I downplay this, but in actuality, it’s very important, too. It’s a strong, strong reason for what I’m doing… but I also am thinking that to sum up the other side... the more selfish side of creating businesses… and that is, I want to WIN.

See, the truth is that everything I say is most definitely true, but I also know I’m a bit narcissistic, and I not only want to be the Best, I also oftentimes believe I’m the Best. That’s not to say that people aren’t better than me. Heck no! There are tons who are faster, stronger, smarter, savvier in business… but I can’t help myself but enter a room thinking I’m the best. Yet, I know that I must balance this with some humility because, again, truth is that there are many better than me in a lot of ways. It’s a strange thing, but believing I’m the best (or wanting to be) pushes me to do greater. It could be the simple mindset that there are others who are or will be looking up to me, so as a role model, I better exemplify the model. Or it could be that I know the best people I know don’t cut corners around XYZ, so if I’m the Best, then I shouldn’t. Or if the best athlete I know can play ball with the flu and do well? Okay, I see you. I’ve got a flu, too. Game on.

To those who know me, they know I love to be in some control. There are many things that are out of my control, but what I do, is try to frame up parts of my life so that I can push more things into my control. If I can do that, then perhaps I can limit the risk of the outside world interfering or debauching my goals. If I’m to fail, it’s my fault, not the world’s. It’s not others’ reasons. It’s my own. I’m okay with that, and I embrace that. Because if those failures, whatever they may be, are in my control, then I can pick myself up, brush myself off, learn, and try again. It’s maybe my way of being persistent, or rather, staying persistent.

And of course, there’s the notion of WINNING. I used to be pretty competitive with a lot more things including co-ed soccer. As I’ve grown older and fine-tuned my message and my goals, I’ve shifted gears to prioritize what does matter and what doesn’t. Read: I win what I want and what matters… to me. I originally just typed “I try to win”, but that just seems flaky and weak. So I omitted the weakest link, and now, that’s how I feel. I win. I want to build companies because yeah, it’s hard shit. There are so many people, companies who fail every year, and I want to overcome those many, numerous hurdles to SUCCEED… to WIN.

Starting a business pits you against the weak and the strong, the small and the big. Starting a business puts you in a multi-ring fight against other companies, people, and even yourself. I don’t want to say you making a sell is like winning because it’s not all win/ lose or black/ gray (0/ 1). It’s not binary. However, I love the feeling that sometimes in a potential sales call or even a cold call or just pitching, it’s my chance to show off what a great company I (we) have started and what a great product/ service we offer. I love when the client says, “Yes, we’ll sign up.” It justifies what I’m trying to accomplish, and it feels like winning because we started with “nothing” (not in the “Drake” way, but mostly in the real way with no product or service) and now, someone is willing to part with hard-earned money to buy into what I’ve (we’ve) created.

I know there are thousands (millions?) of companies out there doing things… many great things. Sure. They’re solving problems, but the narcissistic side of me also believes that many of these companies doing great things aren’t doing it quite good enough. Or maybe they ARE good, but I can be better. I can be the best. I see a problem, and I see how to solve it THIS way. Trust me. It’s a better way. I mean that’s what most entrepreneurs are really doing anyways, right? We believe we hold the key to solving the world’s problem because whoever’s addressing it now really isn’t. Hence, there’s a gap, and I’m going to fill it, and then some. I’m down for that.  

I want to stand at the front of a group and lead them to whatever glory turns out to be in the business world. And heck, starting a business isn’t just a “work” thing. It’s a life thing, too. I want a business that doesn’t necessarily feel like work, but it’s very much embedded in my LIFE. It’s an aspect of life that’s so engrained in everyday, that it’s okay. It’s not taboo and it shouldn’t be looked down upon. The winning mentality is one that emanates throughout all aspects of my life, I feel. I shouldn’t just silo work like starting or running a business to weekdays. Instead, I should just (I’m thinking “compartmentalize”, but that’s not the right word) put priorities on the things that matter. And when one of those life aspects is the priority of the moment, then that’s what I focus on. When I’m with friends, then I’m not thinking work. I’m not checking my phone for emails. I’m with friends.

So yeah, I have a great pull to use companies I’ve started as vehicles to change the world for greater. It’s humanitarian, and it’s genuine. However, I’m also in this to win. That mentality of winning should be stronger in my message, and I shouldn’t downplay it thinking I should only share the people side… the external side. After all, if I want to win, I probably want others to know about it, too.

My Measured Loss of Self and Development of a Relationship

Yesterday, I went out to the Dogwood Festival with a few friends... I've met each friend over the last few years, but they don't necessarily know each other; so, it was a great little introduction to one another. There were some interesting conversations, but for the most part, I sat back quietly listening... to everyone.

I’m digesting it all, and there are two things that are occupying my mind from yesterday, so much so, that here I am writing about them.

1.    Control

Eminem’s got that song “Lose Yourself”…

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted. one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

I don’t lose control, but I can cut loose, for sure. It’s funny, though, because I think everyone’s version of “losing control” is different than mine. In my head, there’s a scale, and I’m on the scale, but perhaps not at the extreme end.

It’s a “measured loss of self”. That sounds incredibly NOT fun and too scientific, but it’s how I feel. I think it’s like me with risk. I’m risky, but it’s a calculated risk. Or spontaneity… I can be spontaneous, for sure, but it’s because I’ve allowed myself some latitude schedule-wise, financially, physically, whatever it may be. For me, I put myself in position to take advantage of the moment.

And at the same time, I like control for two big reasons: 1) For better or for worse, I know that I’m my own biggest enabler, deceiver, excuse-maker, and executioner; and 2) borrowing a soccer for an analogy: I’m the defensive center mid who shields the backline from an attack, and I’m the distributer of the opportunities to others.

1.      If I don’t make it into the gym Sunday morning at 8AM because I went out on Saturday evening, it’s my own fault. If that slip in the schedule means I go to the gym later on Sunday but then holds me back from going to brunch with friends or soccer, that’s my own fault. Everyone in the world can tell me I’m not going to accomplish something, or that I will… but that’s everyone else. I’m the one who has to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. I’ve got too much great things in front of me to let myself slip and fall behind or be the bottleneck to my own ambitions.

2.      My favorite types of soccer players are players similar to Luka Modric, Nemanja Matic, and Mathieu Flamini. They definitely get some praise, but they’re oftentimes still the unsung heroes of the game. I love their central role where they combine and are the bridge between the defensive line and the offensive line. They can distribute the ball faster up top, or they can slow down the game by going backwards. They establish the cadence of the game, and in effect, they’re the game’s metronomes.

Center-mids, and especially of the defensive variety, are the first “serious” barrier who sit in front of the defense and shields them from onslaught. They’re also distributors of the ball, setting up the stars of the games to score their goals. Center-mids enable their teams and sometimes unlock positions most people don’t see. That’s me.

Aside from soccer and in social settings, I like others to be the stars, but also be the guy who helped make that happen. I love relationships between people, and I think I’ve got a stable of some of the finest people in the world. I like to connect all these amazing people together. And when I do, I like to sit back and watch the magic happen. I like to watch how my friends interact with one another and develop that chemistry that you don’t see unless you sit back and watch.

Entrepreneurially, I want Atlanta to be the star. I want the people who have put me in the great position I’m in to be the stars, but I want to be the person who helps make that happen. I want to be a part of the people around me and the community’s stories. I want to be an author of those amazing stories. I want to help make those happen. For me, to be a part of that… to be an author… that would make me happiest.

I want to take care of those around me as they’ve provided to me, and I want to change the world for greater. I don’t want to just “inspire” for greater, but I want the action side of it, too. I want to mobilize “inspiration” to action. I want to CHANGE the world for greater, and I want to do it through the communities and companies I build. I want to help build companies that solve the world’s problems and set a group of people on a cultural path of good… I’m not a selfless guy enough to dedicate months to helping others in Africa, but I want to enable others to do so, if that’s their wish. To do that, I see entrepreneurship as my vehicle to do that. I want to Change the World for Greater through Entrepreneurial Endeavors.

2.    Romantic relationships

For me, this is so interesting, and a topic I’ve thought about a lot. And one I’m going to relate to the customer acquisition funnel where by the top of the funnel is large and many people go in (or everyone), but as you traverse through the funny, people are actually removed till you’re at the end, and you’re left with one person. Yes, I’m more interested in The One rather than The Rotation or The Many.

So yes, I believe we have some “minimum” attractive threshold requirement that once met, we look for more substantive layers. The threshold, though, is incredibly personal, and there are many aspects that play into it. In regards to the physical piece, it’s like any good marketing message in that it lures you (me) in. The face, of course, plays a significant role as does the woman’s shape. And even as I say “shape”, there are so many aspects to that from head-to-toe… literally. But once that first physical attraction layer is breached, you move on to the interactive layers where chemistry meets the arts that meets the science.

Obviously, you can also overlook the physical beauty, that first layer, in favor or the deeper layers. I’ve seen this done, too, where I’ve been attracted to a voice and personality before I’ve even met the face (the physical being). It was interesting, but it was incredible to fall for the person without seeing her, and then falling for her even deeper for her physical beauty, too. In many ways, it’s the reverse of what typically happens.

So back to where we’ve gone beyond that first layer, and are now interacting… this is the second layer. This layer is about chemistry which can sometimes be experienced within the first few seconds of meeting her, or perhaps a few more interactions. For me, the first few seconds/ minutes are big for me. It’s during this short-time where I want to experience that moment. The moment when we’re talking, and are we being ourselves? Are we smiling? Are we laughing? Has she given me that look? The look is that alluring smile with the subtle sparkle in her eyes. It doesn’t have to be a big, whopping Hollywood smile, but it can be the ever-so-subtle upward curve at the corner of mouth… just one side in a side smile, or a smile on both ends. There’s something incredibly beautiful about this moment because you can read in her eyes everything you want to know about her as a person.

I’ve seen this moment recently, but truthfully, some women have this look DOWN. As in, they have this look in their repertoire of everyday looks because they know the power and effect it can have on a man. This look drives me crazy, and for that brief moment, it gives me all the energy and confidence in the world to knock down walls and obliterate records. If this look could be bottled and sold, it’d be the greatest drug known to man.

Beyond this second level, it’s more about the “science” and “math” between us. It’s the fact-checking and experience-testing of who she is. I want to know what drives her. I want to know she’s passionate about something, and she’s actively engaged in that passion whether it’s a side hobby or a career. I want a woman who inspires me for greater, and one I can do the same for. I want someone who is caring without being told to be caring… I want the woman who I can let go at a party, and she’d not only have fun, but everyone there would have fun with her. I want a woman who has energy to change the mood in a room not because she wants to but because she can.

And perhaps enveloping all of this, I want to know she’s authentic. It’s funny how this word – “authentic” and “authenticity” – has come to mean so much to me. I’ve grown to appreciate this so much more than I used to. I’ve learned to love and NEED someone who is honest to herself, honest to me, and honest to others. I don’t want the fakeness that we’re otherwise all wary of, and ambivalent towards.

Someone once asked me what I try to achieve whenever I meet someone. It took me a couple seconds, but that’s what it is – authenticity. It’s what I try to discern within the first few minutes of meeting someone. I want to know the person I’m talking to is real, and know I can trust that person to be whoever it is she (or he) says to be. It’s tough these days, discerning authenticity, as people can put up shields and others can put on acts, but that’s my goal when meeting others, and that’s one of the most important qualities I want in a woman when I want to “date” them.

What Drives Me, and My Greatest Fear

What do I look for when I meet people? Or, what is my goal?

Immediately, I'm tempted to say authenticity and genuineness. For me, it's about being able to connect with people around me on a meaningful level. 

Making connections and being able to see others every post or Like on Facebook is fun and good in many ways, but it also kind of waters down potentially what a relationship is about and real connections. 

I don't care much about the glitz and glamor of life as much as I do the person behind it all. I'm interested in understanding the purpose of people -- their WHYs, WHATs, HOWs. WHO they really are. 

Life can be fun, and meeting people is great. However, I want to leave a positive, indelible impression on others... and the world. Beyond all the fame and fortune, the cars and the money, there's just us people and time. Given that we're only here for a short time with sometimes fleeting moments with extraordinary people, I want to get to know people on a deeper level.

Given, if fame and fortune are the essences of some, or that's what they say, then there's nothing wrong with that. I'd just like to know them.

I'm thinking about what is something I would want, if I could change the world... perhaps because I'm in this mindset already, but I'd want people to trust more. I'd like for people to be more open to genuine connections and letting in others via opening up. 

What is my greatest fear? What do I think about?

I believe my greatest fear is not being authentic... not being genuine to who I really am. I think about all the hard work that I do, and the people I meet. I want them to know who I truly am, and to that extent, know it's truly me because I'm authentic. 

Thinking about this and thinking about why... I can't say I have a specific reason other than I want genuine connections with people. 

To some extent, I believe that it comes down to being loved, but also the reciprocation of that -- to love. 

I want to be able to be a provider for a community, and to be known for that. Perhaps this is some aspiration for adoration, but to me, it's also a sign that I'm making an impact. I'm changing lives. That to me is important. 

I know I can't make intimate connections with everyone... heck, it's hard just cultivating the relationships I have today as my circle continually grows. However, I suppose that at a grander level like a city or country, I want my brand to be authentic so that even if I am not personally able to meet others, they can use my brand as a proxy for an authentic connection. They can use that as some motivation and inspiration to strive for greater.

Why?

I want to help others. Ever since I was young, I've always wanted to help others. My Eagle Scout Project was about helping, especially, those who had meager resources or less means to provide for themselves and their families. 

I wonder about the homeless that I see about how I can help. Less of giving them straight money, I'd like to give them a chance to do more than a dollar. I'd like to help them get jobs. I want to truly help them at a more macro level. Dare I say, "holistic"?

I'm impressed by those who can and do dedicate their time to helping others via months-long mission trips. I'm impressive. Really. In many ways, I want to.

However, I know that it's not the experience that I necessarily WANT to do; while also, it may not be the best means for me to help. 

Instead, I want to found companies and utilize these organizations for a greater good. Perhaps it's not myself going to help others, but it's myself + a large collection of others (their minds, their bodies, their souls (okay, their wallets, too, maybe?)) to help others. 

I think about how great it'd be to mobilize a company to go build homes with Habitat for Humanity instead of working for a day. How great would that be? It's not just me, but maybe it'd be several hundred people?!

That's what gets me excited. Me? I'm just one person, and yes, one person can make a difference. However, I'm not playing the short game. I'm playing the long game. I want to be the kind of one person who has a greater impact.